we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize