and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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