I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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