And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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