I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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