i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
