how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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