did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
