Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
