So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sext me about skeletons
we're so committed to being not committed
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
