I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize