my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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