she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i think my mom watched the whole time
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
