Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
