OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You may now shotgun with the bride
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize