My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
