You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize