you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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