I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dick very happy bro
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize