Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
