just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You have to summon your inner elephant
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
