i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
