I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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