I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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