guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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