I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize