I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
