His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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