Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
