so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
