nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
