I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
