my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
