Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
