when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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