dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
