Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
