hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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