I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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