I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
