how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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