Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry kayker191 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(719): View more from Colorado

If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.

Fav 25 4985 1298
share tweet
(617): View more from Massachusetts

I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?

Fav 55 2507 7024
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(404): View more from Georgia

If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.

Fav 12 1434 5225
share tweet
(518): View more from New York

I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide

Fav 16 5336 1613
share tweet
(864): View more from South Carolina

long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".

Fav 8 3490 1232
share tweet
(636): View more from Missouri

I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.

Fav 6 2546 1102
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(831): View more from California

Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.

Fav 20 6881 1570
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(574): View more from Indiana

I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.

Fav 7 1358 542
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(541): View more from Oregon

By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.

Fav 0 55 5
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT