I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
