Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
