my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
cat food counts as protein by the way
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize