I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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