I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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