my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
