this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
