There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
