Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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