Jerry, you need to find god
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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