A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
