of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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