We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize