like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
