even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
