Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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