sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
