he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize