Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
