Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
