Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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