No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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