:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
