Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I didn't shave. On purpose
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my being single is dangerous.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
