i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
