Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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