I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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