I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
