Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
