lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
