it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize