He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
