my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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