i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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