We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
