so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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