you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
