I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
