great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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