no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
