'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize