and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
