everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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