Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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