Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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