he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
