Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My life is pants optional.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
