im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I supernannyed him into submission
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize