very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
