just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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