Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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