dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize