it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
