somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
