What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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