Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
