Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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